Sunny Hills Baccalaureate

Sunny Hills Baccalaureate, June 13, 2010

When I was asked to give the address at this event I was quite surprised. First, I am the theatre teacher. Who among you really even know who I am? But then I thought that Baccalaureate always has speakers not everyone knows so I struck down that argument. Then I went to what on earth I would have to say that is so memorable, so moving, so fascinating that your young lives would be forever affected by my pithy words. That, too, was struck down by the fact that I have attended similarly “inspiring” events and the speaker babbled incoherently for about ten minutes, received gratuitous applause and everyone's lives went on. I can babble incoherently with the best of them, so strike two. My last thought to talk myself out of being here was the fact that being in front of crowds is not my favorite thing which is why I am a director and not an actor. However, the theatre teacher in me spoke out saying exactly what I tell my kids, "Quit whining. Strap on a spine and man up,". So, here I am, ready to be all inspirational and change your lives. Or not.

We are all in the same place right now. Come June 17^th it is over. For you it is twelve years…between me and my day husband since 1984, the also retiring Mr. Perry it is 102 years of living by a bell, by years that go from September to June rather than January to December. You would wonder who your new teachers are, we wonder who our new kids would be. Sometimes you’d walk into a teacher’s classroom and think, “Oh, no! Not this one!” And, trust me, sometimes you walked into a classroom and a teacher would look at you and think exactly the same thing. “Oh, god, not that kid!” But, here we are, four years later for you, 26 years later and for me and we are older, with any luck a bit wiser. We are about to embark on this new path. From our graduation day forward, everything we do is because we want to, not because we have to. Now, my choices include such decisions as…hmmm…A month in Hawaii or a month in London? Yours are a little different. College or job or both? What career path shall I take? Am I going to be a cog in a wheel or the wheel? There will be times when you look at the clock and think to yourself, “what insanity made me think it was a good idea to take a 7 am class?” or “Good, God, I don’t want to go to work today!” Then you’ll have to decide to get out of bed or not. And here’s the most interesting thing about that decision…No one will give a damn if you do or do not. They truly won’t. You might find this hard to believe given you have spent the last twelve years of your life with parents, teachers and counselors making sure you did what you were supposed to do. Get up! Did you do your homework? Be responsible! Why are you late? Nine tardies? Saturday school!! Well, things are about to get remarkably different in your new world. That fateful day you decide you don’t feel like getting up and going to work so you decide to go to the beach instead? The next words you’ll hear are “You’re fired.” For those of you going off to college you will be stunned by how easy it is to simply not show up to class. There is no Saturday school, no detention, no teacher haranguing you about homework and such. They’ve already got your money, they don’t care if you show up or not. I’m not being negative, I’m being honest, and here’s yet another extremely valuable pearl of wisdom I am about to lay at your feet so listen up. No one cares. Yes, you heard me correctly, I said no one cares. Not your boss, your professors, all of the people that hold your future in their hands simply and without malice do not care. It is a simple fact of life. However, you have to care. Because if you don’t care there are 100s of others who are more than happy to step it up and take your place. If you’ve heard nothing I’ve said up to this point, hear this, You have to show up for your own life.

You must be present because life is a funny thing. It takes you down paths, some of which you have control over, some not so much. Barriers and roadblocks, twists and turns appear as if out of nowhere and the smallest thing can change the direction of your life. You have a goal and then something happens that changes it. I knew I was going to be a teacher from the age of 9 years old. How? My 4th grade teacher, a woman who still lives in infamy in my mind, thought she'd be clever and threw a ball at me. Not TO me, but AT me saying, "think fast." The ball hit me in the chest before I could react. I vividly remember looking at her and actually saying out loud, "I'm only 9 years old and I am already smarter than you." That was when I decided to be a teacher. I figured her evil needed to be balanced with good. From that moment forward I worked towards my goal to be a teacher. First I was going to teach elementary school, then I got to high school and had the most amazing history teacher in my sophomore year. She inspired me to look beyond the present, to research and appreciate the past and to apply what I had learned to the future. So I decided that I would be a history teacher. Then one of those odd little roads opened up that changed my life. My then 8 year old sister, Janice, was cast as a munchkin in our high school production of The Wizard of Oz. My mother forced me to see it to support my sister in her artistic efforts. I reluctantly dragged myself to what I was sure was going to be a huge waste of my time and prepared to stage a massive teenaged pout throughout the entire show. The show began, the actors were actually pretty good. Then the Cowardly Lion appeared. Deadly gorgeous, tall, blue eyes, brown hair and in one scene he ran fearfully into the audience and sat on an audience members lap, shaking in fear as the Wizard addressed him. He sat in my lap! MINE! That singular moment changed my life. I vowed to take drama, to follow that beautiful boy anywhere, to be a part of his life. I spent the rest of my entire high school career involved in theatre, making what have become lifelong friends and finding a place to belong. Just because of that one cute boy. Side note, 3 years wasted chasing after a guy who in May of our Senior year informs me he’s gay. However, in this wonderful new place I discovered a calling for my life. Why? Because I showed up.

That’s what life is about, I think. Showing up. When I interviewed for the job here I had just come through an experience with cancer and chemotherapy. I really had no intention of working but I interviewed to keep my unemployment coming. I could’ve just arrived for the interview and sucked and left, unemployment check in hand. However, it is not in my nature. If I was going to interview I was going to show up. I was going to do my best and then see what happened. I showed up for a moment, that at that time, I didn’t know would be a life changing experience. The next day I was offered the position and Sunny Hills High School has been my home away from home for twenty-six years. Because I showed up I was given the opportunity to teach amazing kids. And, if I may digress for a moment, showing up for that interview also led me to wonderful, kind and generous man, Mr. Ron Perry. We have a twenty-six year friendship that I know will continue for the rest of our lives. Outside of my family, he is the person I am closest to. He is, in fact, family. I hope you are as fortunate to have a friend like him in your life.

You will find, as you go through life, that a series of choices lay before you. And here comes some pithy stuff, so you might want to take notes. There will be times where you have to make a choice between making money or spending time with your family. Let me tell you something my father told me. When you’re drawing your last breath it won’t be your accountant or banker or lawyer at your bedside. It will be your family and friends. Spend time with them. They are far more important than money or professional prestige. Make your choices wisely. I’ve been incredibly blessed because of the choices I have made. My husband of 35 years was the smartest decision I ever made. Putting my son ahead of my job, brilliant! Not a single regret about not making the money I could have made. Choosing to be a teacher even though I was offered positions with companies at twice the money, joyous. I cannot tell you how many people asked me why I would choose to teach. Inevitably they would ask, “What do you make?” What an odd question. I look over my life as I come to the end of my teaching career. Do I have a lot of money in the bank. Uhhh…no. Have I taken trips to Europe or Asia? Not so much. Do I have designer clothes? If you count Tar-jay and J.C. Pennior, then, yes. So what did I make over the years because of my choices? I made a difference. I have kids from as far back as 1976 who still keep in touch with me. I have former Sunny Hills High School students who come back and tell me that I changed their lives. I look at my current seniors, many I’ve worked with since they were 14 or 15, others I just met this year and feel privileged to have them in my life. To be able to help a child on his or her way to becoming an adult is a remarkable thing.

It is my hope for you that you make a difference, that you make your existence count for something positive. But keep in mind that your impact on this world doesn’t have to be that of a president or king maker. Everyone has a hero of some kind. It is my fervent prayer that yours is not an athlete or movie star or, god help us, a rapper. My heroes were my parents. My dad never climbed a mountain, never saved a child from a burning building. He worked the same job with the same company for 40 years and took care of his girls and loved his wife. My mom worked at the school, was our girl scout leader, and worked with the PTSA and with charity groups. Some people might say my parents led a small life. But they didn't. They taught their daughters how to love, to be caring, to laugh, to share joy with others. They showed up every day and were wonderful parents and a loving couple. They were the true definition of what heroes are. For every life that I have touched, those lives too have been touched by my parents for the example they gave us. They made a difference. I think I’ve made a difference. I hope you go out there into the world and make a difference.

The years spent at Sunny Hills have been among the best in my life. But I’m 57 years old. If I’m lucky I have about 20 years to contribute making a difference. You should have about 60 to 70 years left. Speaking from the far end of that time span I can tell you that I am hope that the years you have spent here are not the best in your lives. How sad would that be to know that the best of your life is behind you? That you peaked at the age of 17. But, that is your choice. The time for shifting responsibility for your life officially ends on Thursday, June 17. It is up to you to create your life now. And it is your life. You’ve got at least another 60 years ahead of you. Live it!

Now comes the pithy stuff. My life changing words for you. I have a list:

Quit whining, its irritating

Never say anything about anyone you wouldn’t say to their face.

If you make a commitment, honor it. You’re only as good as your word.

Show up. If you don’t, someone else will.

Doing the wrong thing when no one is watching is still wrong.

People are not an accessory, they are a necessity, treat them that way.

It is your life to live, not your parents. So quit blaming them!

And finally and most importantly, Life is short. Choose joy.

I wish you all such joy. To my kids in particular, thank you for the most memorable year on so many many levels. And you know what I mean. Class of 2010, go out there, show up for your life, embrace it and make a difference.