Reservations for Two BY Lori Goo

Reservations for Two
BY Lori Goodman

JIM and ANNE are sitting at a table in a small, intimate restaurant. THEY are picking at the last remains of dessert on their plates and laughing.

JIM .... So then this "thing" circled round and had this, I don't know long projectile coming out with velcro or something on the end and ...

ANNE. Eeew. Sounds awful.

JIM. Oh it was. It had to be the ugliest thing I've seen him do and I've seen some ugly stuff of his.

ANNE. It must be hard to look at a friend's work and not like it.

JIM. Especially when he asks your opinion.

ANNE. Oh yeah.

JIM. And this guy's sensitive, too.
ANNE. So what did you tell him?

JIM. Well, I didn't want to hurt his feelings, but I didn't want to lie either.

ANNE. So what did you say?
JIM. I told him it was great.
ANNE. You didn't.

JIM. I had to.

ANNE.Oh.

JIM. But he was so excited. I couldn't do it. I did tell him though that I didn't really understand it.

ANNE. It doesn't sound like it would be possible to.

JIM. Yeah. He liked that. Made him feel above the masses.

ANNE. Artists.

JIM. Yeah. I have a hard time saying negative things to people.

ANNE. Well, it doesn't really matter.

JIM. I don't see him that much.
ANNE. That's good.

JIM. Yeah. So, I had a nice time talking to you the other night.

ANNE. Me too. It was a fun party.
JIM. Yeah. I'm glad you were there.

ANNE. I don't usually ... uh, never mind.
JIM. What?

ANNE. This is a nice restaurant.

JIM. I've only been here a few times.
ANNE. It's really nice.

JIM. Yeah. I like it.

ANNE. You have good taste in restaurants.

JIM. Thanks. I think I have good taste in women, too.
ANNE. What?

JIM. You look very pretty tonight.

ANNE. Oh, oh thank you. (SHE casually tosses her hand back which sends her fork flying.)

JIM. Oops.

ANNE. Oh, no.
(SHE goes to get it. JIM picks it up goes to clean it offin his water glass but stops himself)
JIM. Here, you can use mine.

ANNE. Oh, thank you. I was finished anyway. That was pretty silly.

JIM. You know, I wanted to call you Sunday but I thought ...

(ANNE picks at her dessert with her fingers.)
ANNE. You could have.

JIM. Well, we had just met Saturday night and .

ANNE. You're probably right. It's good you waited.
JIM. Why? (ANNE eats with her fingers.)

ANNE. I don't know. (JIM holds out his fork to her.)
JIM. Here. Why don't you use this?

ANNE. Oh, oh my. Thank you. I'm such a pig.
JIM. I think you're very attractive.

ANNE. Yeah? Huh.

JIM. Hasn't anyone ever told you that?

ANNE. Oh yeah uh, I mean yes, kind of.
JIM. Oh. Urn, I uh was .

ANNE. Did you come here from work?

JIM. No.

ANNE. Oh. I saw your briefcase and I thought maybe ...

JIM. No. I just have it.

ANNE. Oh. (JIM moves in closer to her and touches her hand.)

JIM. Actually, I was hoping to go home with you tonight and brought my briefcase in case you said yes.

ANNE. Oh, my God.
(ANNE breaks her hand away and accidently knocks over a glass of water.)
JIM. Oops.

ANNE. Oh no. (SHE tries to clean it up and knocks over another glass.)

ANNE. Oh damn. (JIM tries to help.) Damn, Damnit.

JIM. Are you okay? (ANNE has forgotten JIM'S presence.)

ANNE. Damn, Jesus.
JIM. I'm sorry.
ANNE. Damn.
JIM. Is something wrong?
ANNE. Look at this.

JIM. What?

ANNE. What?

JIM. What?
(ANNE snaps out of it. realizes they are standing and self consciously goes to sit down. JIM follows.)
ANNE. I don't know.
JIM. Me neither.
ANNE. What?

JIM. I don't know what you don't know.
ANNE. What don't you know?

JIM. What you don't know.

ANNE. I don't want to get hurt.

JIM. Me neither.

ANNE. I shouldn't have said that.
JIM. Why?

ANNE. I shouldn't have said that either.
JIM. What are we talking about?

ANNE. I don't want to get hurt.

JIM. Neither do I.

ANNE. No?

JIM. I understand your apprehension.
ANNE. Really? I don't want to seem needy.
JIM. You don't.

ANNE. I shouldn't have said that.

JIM. It's okay. I shouldn't have said I want to go home with you.

ANNE. No, I appreciate that, really. I just don't want to misread your intentions.

JIM. But I don't have any intentions. I just want to get to know you.

ANNE. Why?

JiM. What?

ANNE. I shouldn't have said that.
JIM. What?

ANNE. What?

JiM. Let's not start that again, okay?

ANNE. I'm sorry. It's just ... well, you talk more than most men I've been out with and I guess it scares me a little.

JIM. Why?

ANNE. Because you say nice things and you don't really know me.

JIM. I know you well enough to want to get to know you better.

ANNE. Do you really think you're going to do that by sleeping with me on our first date?

JIM. Uh ...
ANNE. Typical.
JIM. What?

ANNE. Nothing. I'm sorry ... I just ... forget it.
JIM. Don't you like me to think you're attractive? Don't you want me to say nice things to you?

ANNE. I guess. It's just, well, I've heard them before and well, you - I mean men - say things all the time. You do all this stuff to woo us-women.

JIM. Well, we-men-want you-women--to like us.

ANNE. We wouldn't go out with you if we didn't like you. All that other junk is fluff. Dangerous fluff.

JIM. Why?

ANNE. I mean, there's something more at work here. I, uh, we take it more seriously than you intend. If we don't like you we worry about you getting too attached and if we like you a lot, then it really gets dangerous because we think you like us the same but you rarely do and well, there has to be a reason for the wooing.

JIM. Are you saying that we don't consider our actions?

ANNE. I'm sorry, but 1 know you don't. Not you per se ...

JIM. I understand. Go on.
ANNE. Where was I?

JIM. Men are incredibly inconsiderate about

ANNE. Right, right, thanks. Yeah, you just kind of do things that feel right at the moment without thinking of the possible message you're sending or the consequence of your action.

JIM. It's interesting that you say that. I, personally, always thought of wooing as kind of a harmless thing. You know, like in the old days when they said stuff like "swell" or "GeeMary, that would be grand" and …

ANNE. Who's Mary?

JIM. What?

ANNE. Mary. You said she was grand.

JIM. Oh. No, I meant that's the way they talk in the old movies. There's usually someone named Mary and she's usually being wooed by someone.

ANNE.Oh.

JIM. I guess you don't see the humor in that, huh?
ANNE. Oh no ... Ithink it's funny. Really. Poor Mary, poor stupid Mary.

JIM. 'Scuse me?

ANNE. What the hell does she get from all those guys that woo her?

JIM. I don't know. Flowers and things ...

ANNE. I mean what does she really get in the end? Do any of those guys stick around after the movie's over?

JIM. I think you're missing the point here. Once it says "The End" ...

ANNE. The end for the guy maybe but what about Mary? What's she left with other than a bunch of dead flowers and broken promises?

JIM. Gee, I'm sorry for Mary, wherever she is. I always thought of wooing as a harmless thing.

ANNE. What? Oh, I'm sorry. I get a little emotional when I talk about this kind of thing.

ANNE. You're really very nice. I should stop talking.
JIM. Not until you tell me why this upsets you so much.

ANNE. Well, it's just that you don't give a damn. Not you personally, but men in general. It's like you become infatuated, call all the time, bring little gifts, talk about going away together, etc ... , etc ... Then we respond in the way we know how, by calling you or bringing you gifts and whammo! You guys see the old ball and chain and pull back, waaaay back.

ANNE. Yeah. It's like it's okay for you, the general you, not the, well, you know. It's okay for you to pour all kinds of gush on us but when we do it ... and even if we tell you to stop, that we don't want to get too attached, you do it anyway. It doesn't matter what we want. It's all self-serving, all for you, all of it.

ANNE. Well, I do buddy. I've been on the receiving end of that crap and it just burns my butt. You're so sweet, so damn attentive. Then you get us in bed or something and the challenge is over.

JIM. Uh ... maybe you should keep it down a little.
ANNE. Well I'm sick of it. We're not toys, you know. We're not objects to be conquered and then thrown away like empty beer cans. You guys think this is some kind of game or something. You try to figure out what we like, what we want to hear, and then you do those things and say those things you think will work and see how long it takes to get us in bed. Then when you do, hey, it doesn't matter who we are, does it? When you're done, you just roll over and go to sleep. All we get is this heaving lump of flesh lying next to us while we're wide awake, staring at the ceiling. And for what? I don't know, you tell me.

ANNE. Do you know what happens as a result of your harmless wooing? We get to the point where our mood is dependent on whether you called that day or not. Do you believe it? Our whole sense of self-worth is determined by someone we hardly know.
          (JIM starts to rise but ANNE holds him down with her hands wrapped around his throat.)
ANNE. Oh, no you don't. Let me tell you something, pal. You, and all the others like you. This is not a game. Monopoly's a game. Backgammon's a game. Women are not! WOMEN             ARE SERIOUS DAMN BUSINESS! (JIM breaks free.)

(ANNE tries to go to Jim but HE jumps back and accidently knocks over his coffee.)
JIM. Stay away from me. Oh Jees ...
ANNE. Let me explain. I didn't mean.

JIM. Forget it. (JIM tries to clean up the spill.)
ANNE. I'm such a jerk. We were having ... I'm so sorry.

ANNE. I'll be sitting there, having a nice time just chatting generically with someone and then, I don't know, something happens. Suddenly the conversation shifts to a personal level and I lose it. It's like these sensors go off. Sirens ring in my head ... "Danger, danger, change of status, he wants to get physical, danger, danger, whoop, whoop" ...

JIM. I don't blame you. Where's the damn waiter?
ANNE. I forgot where I was. You're just so easy to talk to.

ANNE. What can you say? I accused you of things you never did so what do I expect? I thought maybe ... wen, it doesn't matter. I guess if I told you I'm not really like this and I've just been burned you wouldn't believe me, would you?

JIM. Look ... we're two different people ... and I had a good time, sort of, but, well neither of us

really knows if ... what I mean is it was interesting and I learned some things but, you know, I don't well, I'll call you.