THE INTERVENTION  Scene 1

(KATY, LU, BRET; and WILL')

KATY. She needs help. Thats not the issue. But to lure her here, and confront her, and     suddenly put it all out there: is this really the best way to deal with it?

LU. But what about that thing, That thing you read about or  hear places, that thing where someone says, "That was the turning point for me; if that wouldn't have happened, very    painful though it was, I would never have turned it all around." They say: I was very            angry, at the time, very angry, but now I am very grateful.

KATY. Yes but that's what you say in retrospect. After it all works out. But what if it doesn't work   out. That's the thing. Then you say: that was the turning point. That was the precise             moment when my life turned into a horror movie.

LU. How can the Truth turn your life into a horror movie?

KATY. I thought it was precisely the Truth that turned your life into a horror movie.

BRET. It's like a war, okay? And you're in the trenches with the smoke rushing at you from the     burning tank stalled 60 feet ahead of you on the battlefield, or they're knocking on your             door late at night and you're lunging for the back window-or if you're just waking up in a     cold sweat, fallen halfway out of bed, and you're pretty certain you dreamed the knock-     but you're not sure: this is how you become someone. That's what I'm saying. This is             how you form a character, or, an identity. You can't become anyone without a catalytic     event. A national or personal catastrophe. Massive crisis. Lauren should count her lucky     stars.

(Pause.)

LU. To begin with: they don't even do war like that anymore. Now it's all with computers.

KATY. Where is everyone?

Wll.L. What do we say? When she comes in?

BRET. We all shout: Surprise!

(Blackout.)

Scene 2  (DOUG and NINA burst in and stand for a moment, frozen with tension.)

DOUG. Okay, we're not late.

NINA. We are late. Where's Lauren?

KATY. She's late.

NINA. I was like: "Crap. We cannot be late." Do you think Lauren knows?

KATY. I think she's just late.

NINA. I can tell you, right off the bat, that this is way too casual a... (Searches for the word.)          tableau. If she comes in and sees this, and then everyone scrambles around and             straightens up and looks concerned. she's not going to take this seriously.            

DOUG. (Lightly sarcastic.) What do you want us to do-all line up facing the door?

LU. I think that would make her laugh.

WlLL. That would scare me!

BRET. I think the crucial thing is that no one blows this be- cause these moments are so             delicate. They hang by threads. We've all got to be preternaturally alert, really thinking,             really focused, and just completely compassionate, just-everyone open your heart. All       the way.

(Pause.)

NINA. Okay. Everyone do that. And while you're doing that- (She gestures.) Katy-I swear this'll      work-on the sofa, with your hands folded on your lap, and Lu, if you are literally standing    be- hind her (Indicating KA7Y) and Doug, over there (She indicates the chair to the     side.) so we can get some surround on this. Bret on the sofa. Will, on the sofa.    

WllLL. Hands in my lap?

NINA. No, on a guy that looks silly. Try crossing your arms. (He scrunches them against his         body.) Try crossing them in a relaxed manner. No. Try to look firm. But casual. But firm.             Okay, we'll get back to you.

BRET. Nina, she's coming in that door at any moment. It's not going to matter what we look like   if our mental attitude is completely unfocused.

KATY. I don't know that confrontation is the best way. Maybe we should try to change her from     within.

DOUG. Should I look authoritative or should I move back into the shadows and look menacing?

LU. I feel like we should be saying "cheese."

NINA. Okay everyone just shut up. Let me look at you. (She steps back. Looks at them. Starts     to back towards the dool:) Okay, now I'm Lauren, coming into the room.

(She exits. Knocks. Pause. Knocks again. WILL nudges KATY:)

KATY. Ohl Come in.

(NINA enters. Looks at everyone for a moment.)

NINA. I don't feel at all moved, or, motivated by you guys. Bret's right. We have to focus. The        mental attitude here sucks. (Blackout.)

Scene 3
(BRET is sitting in the center of the couch staring intently at a cheapie tourist-quality voodoo doll. Everyone else is gathered around him on the couch.)

WILL. This isn't the kind that comes with instructions. Some of them have the places all marked out where you're trying to put the pins in. Where do we put the pins in?

KATY. Do we need special pins?

NINA. Does anyone have pins?

(Pause.)

DOUG. We could just pinch it.

NINA. But where. Heart? Brain?

DOUG. Urn, is it supposed to work ... are we supposed to be working on it like a machine, or,      symbolically?

WILL. You can't just stick pins into it. You have to have a ceremony. I saw a ceremony at the       voodoo museum in New Orleans but halfway into it the two guides got into a tussle for             hegemony of the exhibit and the fake chicken was crushed and we all snuck out the          back way. So I didn't see all of it. Not that they show you the real ceremony anyway.             They keep parts back. The important parts.

LU. Okay, no. This isn't about any ceremony or system. This is about the power of raw belief.

DOUG. Well I respect that but in fact, practically, there's no way I'm believing without some kind of rigamarole. There is no express elevator out of Western Consciousness for me; if             you're going to take me away you've got to take me by the stairs.

KATY. Oh alright. (KATY stands up.) I've got some pins some- where ...

(KATY stal1s to head offstage.)

BRET. (Looking up.) Someone turn down the lights. (Instant blackout.)

Scene 4 (In a blackout.)

WILL. If we were Bodysnatchers, all we'd have to do would be to wait for her to fall asleep-           which is inevitable-and then we'd just position a Pod by her sleeping body. And then we             could sit back and relax.

(Pause.)

NINA. What?

WILL. Don't you ever do that? When I'm watching horror movies, and I'm getting really stressed   out, I just think: well why am I identifying with the humans? Why don't I just identify with     the powerful alien entities? And I do. And then the movie is really enjoyable. Unless the            humans win in the end. But then I just think to myself: Earthling propaganda.

(Pause.)

NINA. WHAT?

BRET. Will, shut up. I'm trying to concentrate.

WlLL. Right. Okay.

Scene 5
(The Lights are low. Everyone is sitting on the floor around the coffee table. BRET is in the middle, and he holds the doll upright. He pivots it, slightly, so that it appears to look at each member of the circle. They are, on the whole, hushed and expectant.)

BRET. Say hello to Lauren everyone.

LU. (Solemnly.) Hello Lauren.

NINA. (Crisply.) Hello Lauren.

WlLL. Hello Lauren.

(KATY reaches out to touch the doll's hand with her fingertip.)

KATY. Hello Lauren.

(Pause. The doll "waits.")

DOUG. (Terse.) Hi. (Pause. Afew glances are exchanged.) Well? Is she going to do anything?     Or are we supposed to do something?

BRET. She's suspicious.

NINA. Katy, do you want to start this off?

KATY. Um ...

BRET. We're going to have to restrain her.

KATY. Physically?

BRET. She's figured out what's up and she's turning to go.

KATY. Okay, well-

(BRET presses the doll flat into the table.)

BRET. Okay, you can talk now.

DOUG. Is this necessary?

BRET. If you walked into this room would you stay?

(Pause. They stare at the doll.)

KATY. (Intent.) Lauren. I know this is all a shock. I know that this seems like we're ganging up      on you and it seems like a betrayal but believe me, this wasn't easy.

LU  No

KATY. (Sticking the doll with a pin thoughtfully.) It would have been far easier to let you go on        with your life and to let you go. We wouldn't do this if we didn't love you, and this isn't             about what's wrong with you. This is about all of the ways in which you aren't you anymore.

LU. This is about reaching into you and pulling you out of yourself. Before you really become a                 different person. Bret, can I? (She carefully transfers the doll from BRET's grasp and             holds it to her chest, clutching it tightly as though it might spring away. LU, sticking the     doll with a pin as KATYdid.) Sweetie, I know it's been rough. I know it's been rough. But             you're wrong to believe that because you've lived your life more intensely, you've lived it    more deeply. You're wrong to think that we can't understand you anymore, and that we             have no idea what you're going through and that we have no insight on your life. You're     wrong to think that we can't help you. Because we can. And you have to let us. You have to.

DOUG. (Impulsively.) Lu, give me Lauren.

(LU passes the doll to BRETwho passes it to DOUG.)

BRET. Hold on tight, 'cause she's pissed.

DOUG. (Reluctantly sticking a pin in-either right at the start, or at the end.) It's like... what Katy     said. As though there's a thing in you that's gone wrong, a bad object, lodged inside you.             And I wish that I could just shake it out of you, that I could cut you open and pull it out         and sew you up again, and you'd be fine. And now I know why they used to--to get             demons out of people-why they used to do those horrible things to them; I'd like to             punish you- not for anything you've done to me because we're not that close- but I watch the way you treat yourself and I think: she shouldn't be allowed to get away with that.   And I've never said this to another human being but I think you should bow down and         pray. And I'm an agnostic. (He pauses. WILL reaches out.) Wait just a sec'. I'm not sure     I'm done yet.

WILL. I just remembered something and I know exactly what I want to say. And if I don't say it       right now I'll forget it.

DOUG. Okay.

(They transfer the doll. When it is in his grasp, WILL turns away and huddles over it, whispering inaudibly into its ea1: He sticks it with lots and lots of pins, very insistently and methodically. )

NINA. Will, what are you doing?

WILL. This is private.

DOUG. I thought what I said was pretty private. But I said it in public.

LU. Will, this is supposed to be-

NINA. There's a group dynamic we're trying to maintain here.

WILL. Almost done.

LU. (With a facial expression.) Well. Whatcha gonna do.

(WILL turns around and flings the doll violently onto the center of the table.)

DOUG. Jesus, Will.

(KATY and BRET dive for the doll at the same time. BRET grabs it first and holds it upright on the table, as at the beginning of the scene.)

KATY. Is she okay?

NINA. Will that's completely uncool.

BRET. (Neutral.) She's mad.

WILL. Good.

BRET. No, I mean she's really mad.

WILL. Good. She's mad, I'm mad.

BRET starts to move the doll towards WILL, doll-step by doll- step.)

BRET. She's coming towards you, Will.

WILL. Forget it, Bret.

BRET.She's coming closer. And closer. And closer.

(There is a knock on the outside door: NINA and KATY shriek, DOUG yelps. Everyone turns to face the door, frozen.)

WILL. Oh my God! Don't let her in!

(Blackout.)

END OF PLAY